Temperate
by astrochick
Summary: Shep reflects a bit after the incidents in Hot Zone. WS, but it can be shippy if you want it to be or not... oh yeah possibly spoilery.


Elizabeth Weir was pissed.

And John Sheppard knew it.

She'd faced him off across her desk, and stared him down; pinned him with those green eyes until he almost, started to squirm. Fortunately, McKay and Beckett had come into her office before he'd cracked.

Just before, he'd cracked.

Then he'd retreated to the balcony and stood, hands in pockets, watching the sunset over the ocean.

He'd done the right thing, hadn't he? He'd saved Atlantis, right?

The breeze coming off the ocean ruffled his hair, raising goosebumps on his arms.

And he'd disobeyed Elizabeth's orders.

He leant against the rail and sighed.

Had it been worth the cost?

He couldn't say no, because the final solution had needed him; the puddlejumper had needed an instinctual pilot to escape the nuke's shockwave. That much he was sure about.

But, his mind argued, had he needed to get out the gym? He could have piloted the 'jumper without overriding Elizabeth.

She wouldn't have looked at him like that. Like he'd… disappointed her.

The thought made some small part of him squirm.

Hadn't she understood that he'd needed to do something? He'd been helpless, and Petersen, driven mad by the nanites, had been intent on getting to his goal.

The command centre, where she had been.

He shivered. Atlantis couldn't afford to lose its leader.

But, again that voice in his head argued, hadn't he in effect done that? For a while, Atlantis had lost its leader. He'd seen to that. Completely undermined her authority.

Why had he done that?

Atlantis' sun was turning the sea liquid gold and the sky was shot with streaks of purple and peach.

Hell, he couldn't afford to lose her.

He groaned. What did that mean?

He placed his forearms on the rail.

He wasn't too sure. He'd gotten used to her being around. When this crazy galaxy threatened to swallow him up whole, drain the life out of him or shoot at him, he'd begun to expect her to be there as he came back through the 'gate. He knew he'd come home when he caught her eye and she nodded her acknowledgement of his return.

He looked down. Below him the wall fell away and a large part of Atlantis spread itself at its feet. Building upon building they hadn't, would never have time to explore. Sometimes it was easy to fool yourself that Atlantis was just the gate room, mess hall, hangars and his quarters.

Smiling to himself he remembered the day, Elizabeth had stopped by his quarters and caught him reading War and Peace. He'd fooled her; he'd actually been on page 170.

She'd been a bit surprised, but since then they'd had quite a few conversations about books; Tolstoy and Russian history. He'd been surprised to find he'd really enjoyed their talks. Sometimes they'd had them on this balcony, sometimes over coffee in the mess hall.

But it went beyond that, somehow she managed to speak to that part of himself he kept hidden even from himself. She helped him to make sense of it all, this crazy galaxy, helping him to find that part of him that helped him make the big decisions.

She challenged him to see the bigger picture.

Oh, she'd been challenging today. She'd sat there her green eyes sparking fury and passion.

He grinned.

Hell, you could learn to love a woman who could look you as passionately as that…

Wait a minute.

His head spun a little. He leant back on his heels and looked at his hands gripping the rail.

Whoa, steady, flyboy. Time to bring this one under control.

He was tired, he'd had a long day. Yep, he was feeling a bit emotional after the unusual circumstances of the day.

Mind you, it was always unusual around here and he seemed to be feeling more emotional these days.

He pulled himself forward again and sighed, tipping his head to look skyward. The sky was dark, the stars starting to form themselves into their unfamiliar constellations. He ran his right hand through his hair and thrust his hands into his pockets.

Guess she wasn't coming out here tonight, then..


End file.
